Help is On The Way

Imagine for a moment, you feel a little pressure in your chest. You think it will go away. But the pressure is now pain and you wish the elephant would get off your chest. The little elephant has invited mom and dad elephant to join him on your chest. Your left arm and your jaw are really hurting now.

Your significant other, calls 911. The dispatcher says help is on the way.
The fire engine arrives.
"Where is the ambulance?"
"We don't have a driver for it."
"When is the medic unit coming?"
"Oh, the medic unit was transferred to another station. But they should be there in 20 minutes!"
But you need not worry. You'll probably be dead long before that. Brain cells start to die after four minutes.

Prince Georges County is hurting for money. All departments are hurting for money. And all departments have to make budget decisions. The Prince Georges County Department of Fire and EMS has decided that when paid medics and firefighters are on furlough or need to use sick leave, the department will not bring in extra staff to man the equipment.

The department also claims that service will not be compromised. Does the Fire and EMS department have a Crystal ball to know where and when a fire or an accident is going to occur? If a department has two to three paid staff from 7Am to 3PM who drive and man the ambulance and engine, how are those units going to respond when there are no drivers?

In just a couple of minutes, a little fire can become a very large fire. If your house is on fire during the day, the fire department may or may not arrive in time. If your house is on fire at night and you are lucky enough to live near a volunteer department, you will have more of a fighting chance for them to save your home!

If you are having a heart attack during the day, good luck! If the medics arrive in time to keep you from becoming a vegetable, count yourself lucky that no one was on sick leave or furlough.

I feel that cutting the budget of the Fire and EMS department is wrong. Lives and properties are going to be lost. The county must give back the casino and bingo nights at the volunteer firehouses. The county must make sure that the fire departments have safe and reliable equipment to fight fires and save lives.

The Prince Georges County fire department says that this year alone, they are $500,000 over budget in overtime.

Just wait until Prince Georges County is sued for loss of life or property. That $500,000 will be like a drop in the bucket compared to the lawsuits.

The next time you call 911 and the operator says that help is on the way, ask if the operator will put that guarantee in writing!

An Almost Perfect Lawn

During my walks in the morning and at night, I have noticed that many lawns look, well, how can I say this without hurting too many feelings, quite bad. There I said it. But fellow citizens who pour way too much money, time and sweat into making your lawns look like a golf course, there is an answer.

First off , your lawn is not located on a golf course. Your lawn does not even look like a golf course. Actually, there are a couple of lawns that have large areas of nothing which may have been grass at one time but now the owners are growing dirt!

There is no reason to cut your grass so short. If you had the grass of a golf course, you could cut it nice and short! But you don't, so don't cut it short.

Your grass will be much happier if you let it grow. Set your mower at three inches or higher!
The grass blades will shade the soil, little pests will not feast on your grass and your soil will not be rock hard. Ever notice how the squirrels are not digging in your yard anymore. Ever try to dig through rock hard soil with your claws?

And when you water your lawns, try to water just your lawns. Watering the street will not grow more street! You are paying the water bill so make sure the water stays on your property.
Your grass needs the water in the morning and not at night. If you want to grow your own brand of mold and fungus, then water at night.

You need to water before the grass begins to wilt. If you can see evidence of tracks on the grass after you have walked over the grass, it's time! If your soil is close to resembling rock, then you will need to water to a depth of four to six inches. About 600 gallons of water spread over 1,000 feet will equal one inch. Your lawn will need 4-6 inches of water. Then do not water again until your grass tells you.

Your once shredded wheat lawn will be the envy of the neighborhood.

But if you don't have the time or water, then I have a long lasting solution for you.
Dig down about four inches. Place the dug up dirt around your foundation, so when it rains next time, the rain does not end up in your basement. Make sure you slope the dirt away from and not to your foundation.

Then have your favorite contractor lay four inches of green concrete where your lawn was located. You will not have to water it, ever again. And if any weeds break through the four inches of green concrete, let them be because they earned the right of passage to be in your green lawn.

Permission to Engage

Permission to Engage

by AH Garroway

Deep inside a Colorado Mountain sits a super secret military installation known only to the military and the local residents. The situation room is buzzing as dozens of uniforms race from console to desk and back again. Telephones are ringing off the hook.

General Butcher stands in the middle of the chaos and calmly views the five live feed monitors. Ten minutes ago, a commander on the ground reported an increase in enemy presence. Suddenly there was more than just a presence, the troops were surrounded. No longer calm, the commander began yelling for help.

"Christ, where did they all come from?" the ground commander yelled.

"John, settle down. There is no use your getting all worked up. I'll get you out," Butcher replied.

"Cut the crap, Jack. We are in deep shit."

General Butcher calmly walked to another bank of screens, one of  them showing a football game. Butcher stared at the soon to be ex-colonel. The football game disappeared from the screen.

"John, I've dispatched a shitload of jets to your location. They will be there in five."

An aide passes Butcher a note.

"Are you sure? Did she say it was important?"

"Yes Sir!"

Butcher glances at the screens showing the chaos on the ground and picks up the red phone.

"Daddy, I think Bob is going to give me an engagement ring. He has that look in his eyes."

"Honey, can't this wait? I am rather busy right now."

"Daddy, I tried mom but she is at the spa with her friends. I didn't know anyone else to call."

"What can I do?"

"Daddy, can you check him out and make sure he doesn't have any skeletons in the closet."

"I'll need something concrete. Can you lift his driver's license?"

"I have his social security number."

"I won't ask how you got the number. I'll check and call you back in a couple of hours."

"No, Daddy. That will never do. I'm calling from a stall in the ladies room. I need to know now if he is the one. If you really loved me, you would drop whatever you're doing and do this little thing for your daughter."

"All right sweetheart. I'll call you in three minutes."

"You promise, daddy?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"Sergeant, I need you to run this social security number and see if there are any red flags."

"Yes, Sir."

"Okay, boys and girls. I need an update on the situation on the ground and in the air. And I need it now," Butcher yelled. When he yelled, everyone acted.

The sergeant hands Butcher a printed page. Butcher scans the page.

"Sergeant, get my daughter on the line!"

"General, air support is over the target. They are asking for "Permission to Engage. The ground commander says the enemy has broken through the barbed wire fence and is quickly approaching. He wants to know what to do?"

"Sweetheart, his file is clean except for a couple of unpaid parking tickets. There is a warrant for his arrest for twenty-seven books which are overdue at the library. Other than that, he is a just fine. He does know that if he hurts you in anyway, I will rip out his throat."

"Thank you daddy. Does this mean I can accept his engagement ring?"

"General, air support wants to know if they have "Permission to Engage?"

"Hold on sweetheart."

"Tell air support, they have Permission to Engage."

"Sweetheart, you have Permission to engage."

"Thank you daddy. And congratulations."

"Congratulations?"

"You're going to be a grandfather in seven months."

Please Slow down or Else

This is an open letter to all drivers who speed and do not stop at the stop signs in University Park, Maryland. If you are one of the few who do stop and do not speed, congratulations!

I have observed newspaper delivery persons speed through the stop signs and race as though they had to be at a real job by 5 am.

Some of the UP residents( I know who you are) have even flown through the stop signs as they talked on their cell phones or yelled at their children in the back seat. To them, I say shame on you. You are not giving your kids a very good example of being a careful driver.

Of course there are several drivers who use our streets as a cut through to Adelphi Road. Young, old, it does not matter!

I have tried to control my anger. But now something must be done.

I have contacted the supplier for the static lines on aircraft carriers. If you recall, the static line catches the jets as they land on postage stamp size runways in the ocean. I'm still working out the logistics of how to lay the line without tripping up local joggers. I'm looking at either placing the line between two trees or digging a trench and laying a hook connected to the static line with mouse trap. Then when the car speeds through an area, the hook grabs the first axle it comes in contact with and the car stops. I would suggest that you start wearing your seat belt and are not drinking a cup of hot coffee because cars have been known to flip over!

I have also contacted a company which sells retractable jersey barriers. The black barriers would lay just below the road surface, waiting for its prey to just go over the speed limit. Then the barriers would leap out and stop the speeders or the non stopping stop sign runners. The barriers would drop below the road surface until the next law breaker appeared.

My other thought is to connect a fire hose to a nearby hydrant. I know how to use a fire hose and nozzle. Gives a new meaning to a car pool.

You have a choice.

You can stop at all stop Signs.

You can Slow down.

Or you can wear your beach attire while speeding through University Park. It's up to you!

Follow this link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5ZwbDj7sQM

to see how others are coping with speeders in their neighborhoods!