There is an idiot in this house

As we were getting dressed this morning, my lovely wife asked if I was going to take my walk outside. Both of us had just heard the weather report and the outside temperature was a cool 25 degrees.
I told that I was going to take a walk. And she said there was an idiot in the house. I looked at her with the look that all husbands have, when their spouses have implied that there is an idiot in the house. Guys, we are the idiots. Wives are never the idiot. Some of us might think that wives do idiotic things but we do more idiotic things than they do idiotic. Perhaps, we were born idiotic. I wonder if scientists will ever find the idiot gene in men?

As I responded to her question, I reached for the thermal long sleeved shirt. I might be an idiot but 25 is 25. Twenty five is not 75 unless you are freezing to death. I would have put on my thermal bottoms but they are either lost in the maze of clothes in my drawers or I lost them somewhere else in the house. Next, I pulled on my long sleeved sweat shirt and sweat pants. Gym socks and tennis shoes were almost last.

Going downstairs, I put on a thin 70 degree something jacket. I slipped on the reflective tapes so the idiots on the road would see me before they hit me. Gloves and a black ski mask and I was ready to venture out into the 25 degree morning air for a brisk walk.

I told our two dogs to watch the house as I pulled the door closed.
Then I began my brisk walk.
Christ it was cold.
Who was the idiot who thought it would be warm?
I thought these gloves were supposed to keep my fingers, toasty warm?
I think my toes are frozen.
I thought about stomping my shoes on the pavement but I stopped short because the idiot I am, thought my toes would snap off.
The front of my ski mask was wet from my breath. The wet was no longer warm but cold. I had cold wetness clinging to my mouth.
I kept on walking and somehow I warmed up, a little. Very Little. Not enough to jump up and down about.
My forty five minute brisk walk seemed to take three hours.
As I opened the door to our house, I was greeted by my two dogs.
I think they were trying to tell me that only idiots take walks on freezing days.